More than I Deserve
by Emerald Embers
Summary: Vincent's view on his and Cid's 'relationship'. Mild shounonai content.


More than I Deserve  
  
by Emerald Embers  
  
Louise_cmi_vc@hotmail.com  
  
Rated PG. Just mild shounonai and bad language.  
  
non-profit fan-fiction  
  
Please review :) *ducks flying rotten eggs*  
  
  
  
[Vincent]  
  
  
  
I noticed Cid's concentration waver as the night went on, time ticking slowly by, and I turned away from the front of the ship. Normally Cloud would have stood here, watching the ship's progress, but these days he was settling down with Tifa. I had heard rumours of him setting up a weapons shop along with her - a rumour I was inclined to believe, as he had asked several of us to give him the weapons we no longer needed. Most of us had kept our ultimate weapons, along with a second for training materia if necessary. I did hope that the young blond was having a good time, wherever he was.  
  
  
  
However, my current concern was with the older blond who was driving the Highwind. Yuffie had been returned to Wutai, and now Cid was on his way back home to his town. And Shera. I smiled a little when I thought of Shera. She was lovely, and utterly devoted to her 'Captain'. Cid did not appear as devoted in return... but he had a tendency to hide his gentler emotions, so I could not be sure.  
  
  
  
I approached the pilot, noticed that his eyes were slightly bloodshot, contrasting sharply with his blue irises. He was never going to stay awake all the way back to Rocket Town. "Cid, do you want to take a break? We can touch down wherever you want, I packed a spare tent." He shook his head, frowned at the control panel. Some people might have taken offence at him creasing his brows, but I knew he was doing it out of anger at himself and not at me. "I know you, Cid. You're never going to make it to Rocket Town before you fall asleep, and I'd prefer you to not be flying the Highwind when that happens." Cid glared even more viciously, and I was somewhat glad I wasn't the control panel as he thumped it angrily.  
  
"Alright, alright! I'll touch down if it'll make you fucking happy." I bit the inside of my cheek so that I didn't laugh, nodded for him to continue.  
  
  
  
The Highwind landed rather roughly, before I hopped out of it and looked out for any creatures. "Cid, it's clear." There was no answer for a long moment. "Cid?" Still no answer. Feeling Chaos growl out of frustration inside me, I felt an urge to do the same, but resisted. Returning to inside the Highwind, I found Cid already slumped over the control panel, fast asleep, and I shook him gently. Being as all I got in return was a slight swat on the hand and a snore, I grabbed hold of him by the collar and started dragging him outside, wondering how the hell he could stay asleep throughout the ordeal. Then again, it had been said that Cid could sleep through an operation without anaesthetic if he'd been made tired enough beforehand.  
  
  
  
Setting up the tent by myself was not as difficult as I had expected, for which I was extremely grateful. After dragging Cid down the steps of the Highwind and into the tent, I decided that he really was immortal when asleep, and searched through his pockets for his keys to lock up the Highwind. It did not take too long, thankfully, as I felt rather awkward manhandling someone unconscious, and I locked up the ship quickly, hoped no-one would try to repeat the stealing act on me.  
  
  
  
Returning to inside the tent, I kicked off my boots, tried not to look at the scar on my right foot. It was one of the more peculiar scars, like the one on my left thigh, where the mark went straight around the leg as if the limb had been sown on there.  
  
  
  
After reminding myself that Hojo was dead, that I had witnessed his death, I lay down, unbuckled my cloak and used it as a makeshift blanket. Cid mumbled something in his sleep and I wondered what he was dreaming of. Was he thinking about when we finished off Sephiroth? Or when Meteor shattered into billions of tiny shards of ice, all melting before they hit the earth, changing what would have been a worldwide disaster into a mere heavy rainfall? Considering everything we had been through, he had every right to sleep. I continued to watch him from where I rested, loving the chance to just be next to him.  
  
  
  
I knew I liked the pilot more than would be considered normal. But I also knew that Shera was far better for Cid than I would ever be. I had committed many wrongs in my life, and only recently had I truly atoned for them. Cid deserved someone purer, someone who could mother him. Love wasn't what my pilot needed. He needed someone who could tame him a little, someone he could settle down with, if he was to ever be content. No matter how much I loved him, I could never make him truly happy. I myself was perfectly satisfied with just watching him, and listening to him. Just to hear him say something in my presence, or to catch a glimpse of him running past my room on board the Highwind. That was more than enough for me.  
  
  
  
Feeling the cold just slightly, I edged closer to the pilot. Well, maybe it wasn't that cold. But I wanted to be close to him while I could, and keeping my body temperature decent was a great excuse for doing so.  
  
  
  
I heard him mumble something else before one of his arms fell across my chest, quite painfully hard actually, his hand flexing just slightly against me. I adjusted my position slightly, but loved the feeling of that warm heavy limb across me. Part of me wished I could have all four of his limbs around me, but once again, I knew it wasn't possible.  
  
  
  
And sometimes I wondered if he knew how I felt... it did seem on occasion that he was deliberately teasing me, but it could just have been my own paranoia making me see a connection. Just little things, like once when he gave me a back rub because I had been painfully tense, or a few times when he was crouching in front of me, looking through tool-boxes while wearing VERY low-slung pants.  
  
  
  
Of course, there'll always be my favourite memory. After I had been swimming in the sea at the Costa del Sol for the first time in years, loving the feeling of the salt-water stinging slightly at my skin, and I had returned to see him helping some couple whose truck had broken down, shirtless. He had a beautiful tan... still has.  
  
  
  
Lulled to sleep by the lovely memories, I decided not to mention to Cid that he had thrown his arm across me in the morning. Maybe if he thought I had not realized, then he would not be as embarrassed to do it again another night, maybe weeks, maybe years from now, when we next shared a tent. I did not want to lessen the chances of creating more memories with him. My memories of Cid, and others, were often all that kept me going through the depression.  
  
  
  
"HEY! Sleeping beauty! Get your ass up, Shera's gonna be worried sick about us if we don't get back soon!" I opened my eyes and nearly yelled out with fright at the sudden sight of a rather angered Cid only two or three inches away from my face.  
  
"Where... how... uh? What?"  
  
"I said, WAKE UP!" I blinked a few times before his words finally registered and I forced myself to lean up on my elbows, shaking my head to clear away the fog of sleep and setting about putting my cloak back on.  
  
"Alright chief, if you insist." Cid mumbled something incoherent, and I could barely resist smirking. He hated being called chief so much it just became amusing after a while. Once all the buckles on my cloak were fastened up correctly and I had yanked on my boots, I helped him pack away the tent. Or rather, to be more precise, did all the packing myself while he paced up and down giving me directions and ranting about how 'pissed' Shera would be at us when we returned late. "You know, you COULD use the PHS if you're that worried about her reacti-"  
  
"Oh shut up vampy. Stupid woman probably doesn't even know how to work one."  
  
"I find that hard to beli-" Cid shot me an evil glare and I bit back my words, felt the smirk returning.  
  
  
  
Soon we were finished with the tent and returned to the ship. Cid seemed to be decidedly brighter after his rest, thankfully, and managed to work the controls without losing his concentration for long periods of time either daydreaming or staring at something that I apparently could not see.  
  
  
  
I discovered another purpose of Cid's filthy goggles as the sun began to rise high in the sky - makeshift sunglasses. The dirt and grime seemed to make it easier for him to navigate despite the blinding light, while I was forced to retreat into the shadows because despite adjusting to the sun, my eyes were still sensitive against that- much whiteness. Cid's earlier rants about how late we were going to be now only amused me due to the fact the whole trip from where we had been resting to Rocket Town was apparently going to take us less than three hours - and it was barely past dawn anyhow. Cid was definitely a lark, waking early and dozing off early. I probably classed as an owl despite not needing any sleep at all these days, strictly speaking. Nonetheless, if I did, I was a late to bed, and late to wake up type. Shera was a lark, so there again was another example of why she was so much better for him than I.  
  
  
  
I began to wonder what exactly I would do upon my return to Nibelheim; as none of the people who had been living there were on the Shinra payroll any longer, I suspected the place would be largely abandoned. A great deal of bad memories lay in that village. I would probably end up in charge of restructuring the village if I knew Reeve, so it would probably be wise to make preparations for that... but my priorities for now lay with burning the Shinra mansion to the ground. That building had cast a dark shadow over the village and other people's lives for far too long. It would be more than a release to let out my anger in the flames.  
  
  
  
I laughed quietly to myself, making Cid jump slightly, as I thought of myself standing in the flames. I was turning into as much of a pyromaniac as Sephiroth himself had been. Though, having said that, very few people do not appreciate a good fire, being as it is a naturally intriguing occurrence that has fascinated man since intelligence began. It only makes sense that a few people find it obsessively beautiful.  
  
  
  
Time passed and we drew nearer to Rocket Town, the distinctive shards of metal sticking out from the ground where the Shinra 26 once rested making identification easy. Every time we passed by that empty space Cid's expression changed to a mixture of contentment and frustration. He had achieved his life's dream on his travels with us, and although he loved every second of his memories of that brief journey, it left a great gap in him that pained me to look at. With his life's ambition fulfilled, where was he to go next with his life?  
  
  
  
Unrequited love may be painful, but it keeps you excited and interested in life at least. Something told me Cid was never going to count his lucky stars in having completed more in his life than millions of others and settle down to a quiet life. That was one part of his personality that I admired, but was thankful I would never have to live with.  
  
  
  
Finally we drew in close to the village and Cid turned to me, said quietly, "Okay, now shush, I want to surprise her!" I forced back laughter, amused by his words.  
  
"You're shushing me? How on EARTH are you going to land this ship quietly?!"  
  
"I'll... um... find a way."  
  
"Well you had better find it quick unless you intend to nosedive your house 'quietly'."  
  
"What do y- OH CRAP!" Cid slammed into reverse as he realized he was only a few metres away from crashing into his home, pulled the Highwind sharply to a halt. Amazingly enough, Shera managed to stay asleep, but then, she probably was used to the din of Cid's snoring whilst she slept. Anyone who could put up with that din could sleep through an earthquake without trouble.  
  
  
  
"HEY! SHERA!" Yelled the pilot, grinning like mad as he waved at the demure woman who woke with a jolt from her hammock in front of Cid's house.  
  
"Hn..? Oh! Morning Cid!" She yelled back before attempting to get up and managing to twist around the hammock so that it tipped her unceremoniously onto the floor. "OW!" Cid's eyes widened and as soon as the Highwind landed safely he virtually dived out of the plane and ran over to her, helping her off the floor with a slight flush crossing his cheeks. I followed a few moments after, feeling a little like Cid's shadow as I walked up to the two of them. Cid reddened again before turning to Shera and saying,  
  
"Go on in and make Vince a tea will ya?" I shook my head and waved away the suggestion, turning to Shera and asking,  
  
"Do you have a chocobo I could use? It's a fair distance to Nibelheim and there's no way Cid is going to let me use the Highwind."  
  
"You're damn right!" The pilot interrupted, before gesturing towards the area where the rocket used to stand. "There should be a few around there, Reeve bought up the area and started breeding chocobos."  
  
"I noticed there seemed to be a few areas saying 'Sold' around - is he starting up a new company or something?"  
  
"Darn hope not. If he's even thinking of a new Shinra or something I'm gonna stick that spear of mine right up his-"  
  
"CID!" Shera interrupted, giving him a death-glare. "Not in front of a guest!" I shook my head before heading off towards the rocket, ignoring the apparent argument about manners going on behind me.  
  
  
  
It seemed a pity that I had to leave so soon, but I did have more than a few reasons for getting out as quickly as possible. I did not want to impose on their hospitality, and a nastier part of me hated seeing the way Cid acted around Shera, wishing he were the same around me. As I wrestled one of the chocobos to the ground whilst sticking some greens in its beak to shut it up, having learnt several tips on chocobo-rustling from Yuffie, I couldn't help feel a twinge of jealousy as I recalled the way he had panicked when she fell. I had stood by his side through so many battles and he barely blinked an eyelid when a bullet shot straight through my shoulder, or I had a chunk bitten out of my leg by various creatures. Still, I suppose having saved her life once, and having learnt her suspicions about the rocket weren't unfounded on our journey, they had some sort of life-debt to each other. Even if I had saved the world with him, that bond could never be repeated in our own relationship.  
  
  
  
Having successfully kidnapped an emerald chocobo for myself, I mounted the bird before heading off back towards their house. "...and I don't care WHAT you say if you EVER forget to flush the toilet again when people are visiting I'll-"  
  
"Hey there Shera."  
  
"OH! Um... hello Vincent." She blushed fiercely before pushing Cid back slightly with her hand. "Are you going now or do you want a drink first?" I delved into the folds of my cloak and pulled out a flask, smiled slightly as she nodded.  
  
"Bye then." I winked to her slightly before turning to Cid. "Goodbye, Chief!" I yelled with a wave before riding away from Cid's home on a recently caught chocobo, ignoring the pilot's steady stream of swear-words at being called 'Chief'. I smiled as I thought of him asleep in the tent, his arm going around me. Ah, but it was these little touches and encounters I had come to appreciate. Cid, I do love you. And I hope you find happiness with Shera. But you will always be more than I deserve.  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
